Jon stood under the darkening skies at her grave, his Izzy's grave. It was strange to him he still considered her his, even though he'd driven her away with is stupidity.
He'd heard the song on the radio this morning, and the words reverberated in his heart.
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty houseGod how he missed her, she'd been gone 2 years but it was still fresh and tender in his heart. Richie and Kim tried to help him, David and Tico tried too but he wasn't having any of it. He blamed himself, he knew rationally that he shouldn't. It had been an accident. A stupid drunk driver had hit her head on and she'd died instantly, while the jerk driving the other car had walked away without a scratch. But if I hadn't driven her away with my stupidity...
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do
It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do
No one could convince Jon that it wasn't his fault. The guys in the band and even the fans has noticed that Jon was withdrawing into himself, becoming a shell of the man he once was before Izzy died.
The clouds that had been pressing in and darkening rapidly suddenly broke open and within seconds Jon was drenched to the bone. He didn't care, but he knew that Kim and Richie would be all over him about standing out in the rain.
Heading back to the car, Jon headed back to Richie and Kim's house. He'd pretty much moved in with them since Izzy's death two years before, he couldn't stand to be alone, even in his own house. He sold the house, and most of his possessions, and moved into the guest house with his brother and Kim.
Jon opened the door to the main house and his ears were assailed with the squeal of a two year old girl "Unca Joooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn" and soon the blur was attached to his legs.
Bending down he scooped the child up, "How's my Frizzy Francis girl?" Jon hugged the toddler to his chest inhaling the scent of childhood innocence. "I not Fizzy Fancis Unca Jon, I just Fancis memba" Francis looked at him with all the anger a 2 year old could muster. "Oh yes ma'am I remember now Francis, Uncle Jon's sorry." Jon replied hugging the little girl to his chest again. Setting her back down on the floor Francis took off back to watching Teletubbies on the TV.
Kim rounded the corner, her rapidly swelling belly announcing her presence before she entered the room. "Hey sweetie, how are you?" She asked taking in Jon's swollen red eyes the tired look he seemed to carry with him like a coat now. "I'm ok Kimmy how's R.J.?" Jon smiled patting her stomach. "He's driving his mommy crazy already, just like his daddy." she laughed. "Where is Rich anyway?" Jon questioned.
"He's out in the studio, you want me to go get him?" Kim asked. "Nah I'll just head out there myself, you need to get off your feet anyway." Jon smiled heading out the backdoor toward the studio.
"Hey Rich man!" Jon called as he entered the studio. "Over here Jon." Richie called from inside the studio, "Just working on a mix for a cover song."
"Cool let's hear it..." Jon replied, sitting down at the mixing board and switching on the recording mechanism. He always liked to record their jam sessions just in case something great happened.
"Jon man this one's for you." Richie said, sitting down at the piano and launching into a cover of Blackhawk's Ships of Heaven
"Don't cry for me when I'm gone
Keep the faith and be strong
'Cause through it all I've been blessed
I faced my fears
And I've passed the test
So when you look up in the sky
On a sunny day
Imagine me drifting away
I'll be sailing on the ships of heaven
When the tide rolls out for the
Last time
You'll find me sailing on the ships of heaven
Waiting for the day
I come sailing back to you
Remember all the times we had
Some were great and some were sad
But you know that in the end
Our love was stronger then when we began
No unforgiven sins and no regrets
Just the times of our lives that we'll
Never Forget
I'll be sailing on the ships of heaven
When the tide rolls out for the
Last time
You'll find me sailing on the ships of heaven
Waiting for the day
I come sailing back to you
I'll be sailing on the ships of heaven
When the tide rolls out for the
Last time
You'll find me sailing on the ships of heaven
Waiting for the day
I come sailing back to you
When the tide rolls out for the
Last time
You'll find me sailing on the ships of heaven
Waiting for the day
I come sailing back to you
On the ships of heaven
I come sailing back to you..."
When Richie finished the song, he looked up to see Jon bury his face in his hands and his shoulders shake with the sobs pouring out of him. Richie headed into the booth, placing a hand on Jon' shoulder. "Jon man, I know...believe me I know man. I miss her too."
Jon stood and wrapped his arms around his brother. "Rich, oh Rich, if I'd only known...man I'd of married her in a heartbeat. I miss her so much Richie."
"Jon, man go to her...tell her...you've never been one at a loss for words." Richie said.
**********************************************************************************
Six Months Later
Jon again stood at the cemetery...only this time it was under sunny skies, and he had his guitar with him. "Hey Izzy girl, I wrote something for you baby girl. I hope you like it,cuz it's just for you baby."
"Are you out there?
Can you hear me?
Do you know my whereabouts?
Do you know what I'm all about?
Through the static you're so close, so far away
Are you listening?
I'm desperate.
Sendin' out an S.O.S.
'Cause I'm lost I must confess
Throw a lifeline
I'm down here drownin'
In the deepest part of me
Chorus:
Satellite
Can you feel me?
Satellite
Come and heal me
Are you watchin' over me tonight?
I need to know you're out there
Satellite
Are your lines open and receiving?
You know I got so much to say
I just don't want to fade away
Keep on talkin' 'cause you're keeping' me alive
Chorus:
Satellite
Can you feel me?
Satellite
Come and heal me
Are you watchin' over me tonight
I need to know y9ou're out there
Satellite
Everybody hurts
Everybody cries
Everybody needs someone
To save them sometimes
Everybody hurts
Everybody cries
Everybody needs someone
To save them sometimes
Chorus:
Satellite
Can you feel me?
Satellite
Come and heal me
Are you watchin' over me tonight
I need to know you're out there"
"I miss you baby...forever." Jon smiled down at the gravestone, placing a kiss on his fingertips he brushed them across her name. Then slowly made his way out of the cemetery.
